How to spark joy in your life

When my patients feel this way, their world seems gray. Everything seems blah, even socializing or celebrating an accomplishment. Motivation to seek out pleasurable experiences and interactions can also be an uphill climb.

Sometimes, joylessness is a sign of serious mental health concerns. This includes major depressive disorder or bipolar disorder. One study found that 50 percent of patients diagnosed with bipolar disorder experienced anhedonia. A separate study reported that up to 70 percent of those with depression struggled to find pleasure.

Childhood trauma such as emotional abuse or neglect can also lead to joylessness. In childhood, criticism instead of praise, mistreatment and constant shaming can make us feel unworthy and undeserving of experiencing positive emotions.

As a psychotherapist, I’ve seen this among my patients. Some of them believe that experiencing happiness will make them lazy, while others refuse to accept a compliment, even for a job well done.

No matter the cause, joylessness can affect our mental health, relationship satisfaction and well-being. Luckily, there are steps we can take to generate joy.

Beware of joy blockers

Emotions such as guilt, anxiety and shame can inhibit our ability to access positive core ones such as joy. Often, blocking joy is an unconscious reflex. Inhibitory emotions protect us from becoming overwhelmed and help us maintain our relationships with others. Learning to recognize them can help us gain access to our positive core emotions.

As an emotions-focused psychotherapist, I help my patients name, validate and work through their emotions, which are biological signals needed for our survival. For example, when my patients feel anxious, I encourage them to slow down, breathe and name the emotion. Once the body feels calm, we get curious about the emotion’s meaning. I may ask, “What is this emotion protecting you from?” and “If you move this emotion aside, what’s underneath?”

Pay someone a compliment

Emotions are contagious, and so witnessing someone else’s happiness can make us smile, too.

Complimenting a friend, neighbor, or co-worker can help. Saying, “It’s nice to see you today” goes a long way.

After you compliment someone, pay attention to their reaction. They may smile or show appreciation for your kind words. Notice how their response makes you feel.

There’s a good chance that witnessing their joy and happiness will rub off on you, and it may even boost your mental health. One study found that feeling joy for others reduced symptoms of depression among college students.

Savor small moments of pleasure

Most of us have at least one joyful interaction each day. However, it’s easy for these experiences to go unnoticed.

With practice, though, we can train our brain to look for joy. Among social scientists, this is called “relational savoring.” It’s our ability to enjoy and savor positive events and emotions.

To practice relational savoring, imagine you’re a joy detective. Identify one positive interaction that you’ve experienced recently. Perhaps it was a snuggle with your cat, a meaningful conversation, or dinner with a friend.

As you think of this memory, pay attention to how your body feels. Sensations such as calm and warmth often signify the emotion of joy. When you notice a positive sensation, try to savor it. Stay with the moment and notice any other pleasurable feelings such as gratitude, awe or happiness that arise.

Research shows that relational savoring can prolong our experience of positive emotions, which benefits our well-being in the long run.

Smile, even when you don’t feel like it

When we’re feeling down, smiling may be the last thing on our mind. However, turning up the corners of your mouth can lower stress and boost your mood.

Smiling can also have a positive effect on the brain by releasing “feel good” neurotransmitters and hormones such as dopamine and serotonin, according to research. Low levels of dopamine and serotonin have been linked with mental health concerns such as depression.

If smiling feels like a chore, start small.

Watch a funny movie or show and notice what happens when you laugh or smile. For example, does your body feel less stressed? Do you experience a wave of joy or feel happy, even for a moment?

Recognizing and connecting with our ability to feel joy can be empowering. It reminds us that happiness is within our reach, even in trying and difficult times.

Experiencing and feeling joy is pivotal for our mental health. But if this emotion is muted, it’s not your fault. Chances are there’s an underlying cause that needs to be identified and addressed. Talking with a trusted friend or loved one, physician or therapist can help. With support, you will feel better.

Juli Fraga, PsyD, is a psychologist with a private practice in San Francisco.

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